when, will it ever?

I dont feel normal. I feel like a real outsider even with the best friends that I have ever had. why is it like this ? I feel awkward even when i`m enjoying myself a bit, and when i try to say something i feel like no one understands or hear me. I feel like a wallpaper.

 

This blog has for sure become my journal , I feel the need to express myself sometimes. This is where that happens. Im currently drunk while writing this by the way. Why did I even mention that? what does that matter ? I can`t be that drunk since i manage to write this with no problems. Okey back to the point of this, I´m so tired of feeling like a wallpaper. The problem is; I dont know how to not be one. Even alcohol does not change that, I dont know what or if I will ever change.

Is this a sign, that i will never figure out life? or is it a sign that i should keep going ?

I´m so tired of trying.

I want to give up, and make it all go away

But at the same time

I feel like pushing through

should I , I should i not ….

everyone make sit seem so easy

to live

Its fucking awful

and beautyful

I cant tell people in real life that I´m tired

I already know what they will say

I dont want to hear it

why

I´m scared

 

 

 

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