Hello reader !
right now I feel useless, numb and tired all the time. In other words I am in desperate need of something that can bring me some happy emotions, but what gives me the happy emotions these days ?
The thing is that my mood is on a constant rollercoaster journeys, I mean proper dancing in the kitchen happy to lying in bed and cant pull up a smile crazy. How did it even get this bad? I recognize a depression when i get it, this is it. But there is something else, I can´t quite put my finger on what but i know there is. When I´m social, I use all my energy on using all my emotions and words. Which results in me being dead for days after a girls night or a work day. Basically I use all my energy on looking good in front of my friends, but its getting hard even doing that now. that scares me. I have no idea why I´m even writing this down, well yeah I do… I
m so bad at expressing myself or telling people about how I feel. I`d rather write about it so i can properly explain it.
where do I go from here ? where do anyone go from clearly depressed to feeling happy? what creates happy feelings in me? a hug from someone who cares? writing? There is an endless list of this processing through my mind every singel day. how can I make myself feel happy so that I can enjoy life a bit more. Cause right now I will admit life it pretty poop. I want to push myself more, brake down my barriers. Why you ask, simple. So that I can be more carefree of others. So I can color my hair in crazy colors that makes me smile again. I think I just told you what I need to do, to make feel the tingles of life again.
So there you have it, my new project!
The thing with me is that I always start projects and never finish them, thats my thing. I dont want that to be my thing anymore. I want to be able to feel good about myself , walk in the mall without feeling everyone laughing at me, going to a cafe alone to read or write. Be more independent !